On the 7th Day of Christmas….

Screenshot 2015-12-30 13.06.20Excerpt from The Butter Pecan Diaries


It was a dark and stormy night – okay – it was cool, bright and cheery.

If you are gonna check the weather forecast stop reading now.

It was so good to celebrate the end of another year in my perennial search for competent health care, honest auto mechanics and skilled service personnel (in ANY industry). I have missed my Winter Solstice Update but Turkey is holding it’s Camel Wrestling Festival – might work as a substitute.

Jerry, as always, is doing beautifully. He is still making closets for the rich and famous and is now conversant in Spanish, Russian and we believe Botswanan. Conversant in that he can raise his voice and everyone knows exactly what he means.

His stapled neck and implanted knees are doing just fine. With all his added titanium parts it has been a wonderful opportunity to accurately test security at several major airports.

Rosie is terrific. She is at Smith College and carrying a solid B+ and holding down a job. We saw her at Christmas and had a rousing discussion of black holes, Stephen Hawking theories, the Event Horizon and her A in Microeconomics. She is preparing for interviews for summer internships at Bear Stearns, JPMorgan, Goldman Sachs and Deutsche Bank. She has not had an ER visit in over a year, but since she has her own medical policy I cannot swear to that fact.

Must tell you though I kinda miss the flashing ambulance lights on Christmas Eve during a snowstorm. The way the lights reflected on the icicles was simply stunning – such a sentimental sot that I am.

Rosie wants to do her last year of study in Spain – yeah, I need her near bullfighting, but have to assume Franco instituted some sort of health plan with the billions he got from the US. I mean, do they just put injured matadors on the side of the road?

Scarlett is now retired. I took the Voluntary Retirement Package (VRP) offered to those who had time and service or had fully pissed off the entire executive board. The other name for this retirement package is the TIODOTSOTR or ‘Take it or die on the side of the road with furry rodents eating at your heels.’

You know how it is when the execs need a 25% bump on that $11.4 million bonus. I know I am a selfish sort; never thinking of the execs – expecting them to get by on under $22m a year so in my own inimitable way, I let them know my thoughts. However, I still have Jerry and Rosie and for that I will forever be thankful. Believe I got the best deal.

Wynonna We miss her more each and every day. I know she is shaking her head with trepidation every time I touch a computer. I still don’t understand DOS and, I don’t care…..I bought an iMac!

Am almost finished The Butter Pecan Diaries. Now if the publishing world ever gets its act together perhaps I can rent a bus and we can all visit Ellen or Oprah. I might even pop for lunch.

I hope your holidays were calm, warm and happy. My wishes for a prosperous and laugh-filled New Year. I miss each of you!

Love ya, Scarlett


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