On the 3rd Day of Christmas….

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Excerpt from The Butter Pecan Diaries….

 

Since you didn’t notify me you wanted off my “Dear Resident” Christmas list, here is another tome. And you are getting this after Christmas – just because! I had intended to keep a month-by-month review of the year, but suspected after reading it most of you would run screaming from the room, knock over the Christmas tree/Hanukkah lights, step on the manger, break your mother’s irreplaceable 1942 ornament and I’d ruin your entire holiday season. So, your holidays should be different than mine?

Jerry – continues to do well, both in his job and with his titanium knees. He hasn’t yet braved rollerblading, but with Rosie’s encouragement it will come too soon. His work keeps him busy – some nights too late. I’m getting paid back for my consulting years of “Sorry, babe, I really need to chase the Fed Ex guy down 495!” He did, however, take on training our new addition – no, not an Enquirer miracle child – a puppy – named Max. Max was a four-pound puppy – he is now a 70# Yeti. We got him at the pound and he’s part something & something else (his mother was a tramp). Nothing prepares you for watching a 6’ 240lb. man bending over squealing “good puppy, gooood puppy” because Max finally identified the outside facilities. Pet potty training – an alternative career.

Wynonna – She took a position with a defense contractor working at the Pentagon and is doing well. She does something, somewhere for someone. If she tells me what she does, she has to kill me. (Guess I failed on that mother/daughter “bonding” thing.) She was contacted by the Secret Service about a position, but she declined. She didn’t want to be solely focused on terrorist groups and travel would have been involved. Perhaps she thought Kosovo was in south Philly! Her motorcycle was totaled by a moving van in her parking lot – she was not on it. Her car was: sideswiped on the Parkway; backed into by a Ford Monster Truck; hit by an aged hippie creature with a ponytail and a few other incidental bumps. She sustained no pain – except for the increase in insurance payments.

Rosie – Graduated in June and is now officially a chef – licensed to handle lethal knives. There have been no hospital stays however, a slight mishap with her 10” Chef’s knife resulted in her right index finger becoming a ¼” shorter than the rest of her digits. Okay, hand model is out of the picture. She is thinking about going to France and opening a café. Am grateful, she might have considered Beirut. Wait a minute, is the French underground still active? She has taken on her own battles with health insurers and doesn’t do badly. She didn’t learn cooking in my kitchen, but she listened while I was on the phone. The little gifts we pass on to our children

Scarlett – I ended the year with a short yet memorable hospital stay in our award winning Healthcare System. I was bored: the tree was decorated, presents wrapped – why not spend a few hours in an ER? Fourteen hours and $3k later Jerry pushed me into the back of the car and we left. I won’t bore you recounting my being “lost” in the CAT scan room in the bowels of the hospital at 3:00am while tethered to a stretcher. Jerry was ‘way’ excited, however, the ER was decorated with stunning plastic poinsettias and aluminum trees! At least it was festive. My old firm closed their doors last January and by God’s grace I secured another position in a short period of time

I’ve been working diligently on my book and have some materials with an agent in NY and a publisher in Boston. They aren’t doing anything, but they are taking up space on an expensive mahogany desk in prime real estate.

I’m not sure what happened but somewhere along the line I remember being 30 years old. I went to bed one evening and must have fallen into a black hole. What seems like six hours later I’m looking at ‘stretch top’ slacks, trifocals and am an active participant in the AARP chat room. I also know and enjoy the benefits of fiber!

We do hope that you and your family are well and want to wish each of you a blessed and warm holiday season and wishes for a healthy and prosperous New Year.

Love ya, Scarlett

 

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